Day 18

“I love snow for the same reason I love Christmas. It brings people together while time stands still.”

Rachel Cohn

Hey Adventers,

We’ve reached one of my absolute favourite self care practise, gratitude.

Now I totally understand if, when someone says gratitude you roll your eyes a little (or a lot).

But I think that’s because it has been hijacked by the toxic positivity lot and used as a way to bypass very real emotions. Which is a shame because it’s SUCH a powerful practise, and one that’s completely changed my life for the better.

So lets get one thing clear. Gratitude isn’t about pretending everything is ok, or stopping yourself feeling bad by simply thinking of nice things.

What it is doing is working with two patterns that we have in the brain.

1. Negativity bias.
   In order to survive we have to be aware of dangers, so we are biologically primed to notice and think about bad things. When negative things happen we tend to flag it quicker and dwell on it longer than nice things. (This is why we can get 10 good comments and only notice the one bad one) This is not because you are a grumpy pants, it’s because it’s how your brain has evolved to keep you alive. Thank you brain.

2. Confirmation bias.
   When we believe something to be true we look for evidence to back that belief up and disregard evidence that counters it. This happens with things that ‘feel true’ without evidence also. So things that back up our cultural core beliefs.

So having a regular gratitude practise allows us to notice the good stuff that was always there but that we aren’t primed to look for or see.

Then when we start seeing them we start to BELIEVE that they are there, and just as we can have a negative confirmation bias, we can have a positive one too. Once you believe they are there you will start to see it everywhere and they frame at which you look at the world will change. Which means the way you interact with the world will change. Which means your life will change. It really is amazing.

Now I am NOT saying gratitude is all you need, it is one tool in a whole tool kit of things that you might need.
I’m also not saying it’s easy, it can be extremely difficult and sometimes feel impossible.
Especially if you feel you are forcing it in the beginning.

But gratitude is an ‘and’ practice; things can be tough AND there’s things to be grateful for.
Both truths can be present.

It’s not about forcing yourself to feel any which way, it’s retraining your brain to start looking for the nicer things. Like a ‘nice things in the world’ treasure hunt.

I’ve had a gratitude practise for many years now and it doesn’t take me long at all; I just simply list some things before I go to sleep and now in the day I often find myself thinking ‘oh I’m going to put that on my list tonight’

It’s completely changed my inner world and life.

(I would never have started this substack without it)

Let me know how you get on!

Much Love,

Jo xx